The Endbringer's Guide to the Multiverse
by Thanatanos
Summary: The Endbringer's decide to take a Multiversal Vacation. What do.
1. Chapter 1

"This was a great idea," I said, nodding proudly. My brother made a rude gesture, leaning against a nearby building as we watched our sister work. His tail lashed, water spraying all over. Sis stopped in her work, hands on hips, a little moue of annoyance on her face. He settled down, though he turned his head so we could only see one eye.

I'm sure the other three were rolling. Really. So immature.

"Don't worry, our preparations are almost complete. We'll be on our way soon enough," I said, turning, leaning down kindly. The little kinetic speakers all jumped, looking at me with that wide eyed expression I'd never seen my sister use. Most stood a fair distance away, shuffling nervously.

Weird little creatures, only understanding kinetic. I suppose that's why all my other attempt at communication failed. They don't seem to mix well with most other forms of energy. Including kinetic, oddly enough. They could only stand the smallest waves of kinetic energy, barely rippling the air. Although finding out that much had been a major breakthrough! Really, I blame their literature for their first failed attempts. All this talk of the crack of lightning, the melody of the stars, and the language of fists can really confuse a man.

It certainly didn't help my relationship with Dad. Speaking of Dad though…

"Dad," I said, leaning down, meeting Him eye to eyes, " Are you sure you can't come?"

"I'm afraid not…son…" He said, glowing his majestic green glow, standing on the air with his arms folded. His glorious arms gestured as he magnificently raised the hem of His cloak, indicating the pathetic _other_ kinetic speakers around him. Well, besides His close friends, Alexandria, Legend and Myrddin. Finally speaking to them had tickled me somewhat, as they promptly redoubled their attempts to communicate. Perhaps embarrassed that I'd found the way first? They were the ones most consistent in their desires to communicate, most creative in their methods.

Besides Dad, of course. He communicated in ways even Sis isn't able to. Time bubbles! Really! Such a novelty! But He is just awesome like that.

"You see," He said, voice deep with power and hidden strength, "I have some…prior commitments I need to…take care of." He made a sudden head movement, quick, sharp, surely meant to convey some hidden wisdom my lowly mind just couldn't comprehend, His pauses deep with meaning.

"I understand," I said, nodding sagely. "You adults and your work. I'm sure it's not all fun and games like it is for us kids." He made a sudden motion, wind traveling over 100 miles an hour to impact me from his position. I smiled, letting the friendly impact wash over me. Legend flew over, swiftly patting him on the back as Myrddin produced for him a glass of water. He drank it, regally nodding his thanks.

"Yes, exactly that son," He said, a graceful hand rising to his beautifully masked brow as He bowed His head, rather momentously. "Exactly that."

"Though I wonder," I said, shaking my head, "If you're overworking yourself. Surely dealing with all the problems of the world must be tiring. It would be much more relaxing to spend time on vacation with us. Sis has been working hard on Proffesor Haywire's device, making it suitable for our purposes." I set a gentle hand on Sis's shoulder, giving her a light squeeze. She turned to Dad, flashing Him a dazzling smile. While I had inherited His Strength, Power, and Endurance, she had inherited His Mind, Beauty, and Grace. Whenever she moved people couldn't help but shudder in the sheer ecstasy her presence induced. Father, despite His grand might and strength, was no different. Surely it must be the novelty of experiencing for Himself what others felt in His presence.

Meanwhile our brother… I'm not quite sure what he inherited. Personally, I think he's a dick. And adopted.

Our Father then deigned to touch the earth, lowering to His knees in supplication. To us! His offspring! That He lowered Himself so…this cannot be! I touched the earth, groveling in my unworthiness.

"I'm…" He spoke, choking on an untold depth of emotion, "I'm sorry, but I just…can't. It's…better that I stay here…for the world." Sis stopped in her project, flitting over, offering her hand to raise Him higher. He declined with majestic speed, ascending to the skies where He belongs.

"I suppose," I said sadly, rising to my full fight as Sis finished the device with the might of her mind, "That this is goodbye."

"Yes," He said, beholding the portals creation with His infinite wisdom, "I suppose this is." His magnificent presence glowed brighter than ever, showing the sheer might of His grief. Many of the kinetic speakers shed tears of sadness at the poignancy of His separation from the love of His children.

"Do not despair," I said, speaking what He, omniscient as He is, already must know, "for we will be back. This is, after all, merely a vacation." His magnificence once more deigned to touch the earth, bowing to the might of His sadness. The kinetic speakers began sobbing, stunned by His momentous display. Brother and Sister stepped through the portal, gesturing their farewells to the assembled kinetics. I paused on my way through, stopping to reassure Our Father in His time of need.

"Do not fear for us," I said, speaking my last as I departed, "For this is a joyous occasion! To explore where none have gone before, to meet alien creatures, to see alien sights. To go to worlds untold, uncountable to all but You! I will spread Your name far and wide, the reason for Their salvation."

"Soon, all will know Your name. All will know Your **_Glory_**! The Green Hero. The Caped Seer. The Everyman, the Perfect Ideal. The Savior, The Emperor, Our Father, Eidolon!"


	2. Table of Contents

The Endbringer's Guide to the Multiverse: Table of Contents – Behemoth

I expected the portal to be more like a door. Instead I got the equivalent of an endless hallways filled with many, _many_doors.

Not that I can fit through any.

"Sister," I said, squinting at a particularly small one, "I think Proffesor Haywire might have been prejudice. These doors just aren't made for men of…size… like myself."

Wait.

"Now I'm not saying your large just because you can't fit through a door," I said hastily, waving down at my glaring sister. She turned, arms crossed, wings inward, huffing. "You size is perfect. Really." Her position didn't change.

Brother pulled himself up from where he'd been studying a door, attempting to fit his head through.

_Thoughtless_

Sister turned, nodding firmly.

_Agreement_

I turned from her, glaring. "_Thank_ you brother."

He's so adopted.

Well, since nothing's going on here, might as well take a trip. I walked away, just getting some distance, giving Sis time to compose herself. She's really concerned about her looks sometimes. Things like, 'Oh, I'm semi transparent!' or 'Oh, I've got too many wings!' or 'Oh, I'm fifteen feet tall, made of crystal and naked!'

Really. She's so irrational sometimes.

I moved forward, facing my fate of momentary sacrifice like a true martyr. And as I fulfilled my sacred duty, I was rewarded! By a rapidly growing door. I turned, backing away slowly, looking back. The door shrunk. I moved forwards, away from my siblings. It grew.

Hmm.

Turning, I looked towards my siblings. They stood close, both trying to see through the same door, perfectly fine without me thank you very much. I stood, moving closer to the door. It grew, large enough that even _I_can fit through it.

Well, since this is to be my reward for such a fastidious sacrifice of leaving my dear sister alone with my rapscallion of a(n adopted) brother, who am I to complain about finally getting through one of these frustratingly mysterious doors? Though the detail on the door was a bit…different than I imagined it. Several pictures with three concentric circles, joined in the center by a smaller circle with thicker lines on the inside. Drawn in black and shown on yellow, they were scattered liberally over the door along with several strings of interchanged exclamation marks and question marks, a few of a bald man with his hand covering his face and some with some unknown beings head with a mushroom explosion coming from the back. That and a large hasty scrawl, spelling only one word.

**_Nasuverse_**

I touched it, curious.

That's about the time the magic circle appeared.


	3. Behemoth: The first Whoops 11

Behemoth: The first WOOPS

Knowledge. Knowledge! That's what the circle held! A veritable fount of it! Knowledge of Language, of places of culture, knowledge of legends, of classes and systems. Although the knowledge of morality, er…

Well, let's just say me and Dad are a _little_ further apart than I thought we were. Though He in all His wisdom will surely find it within His heart to forgive this poor sinner.

…Maybe I'll conquer a universe or two in His name before I head back. Just to be safe.

But meanwhile, back to the meat of the matter.

_**The Holy Grail War**_

A battle between Legends of skill and strength! A battleground perfectly designed to test my skill and prowess! I will show _all _how I gained the title of-

O hey what's this thing.

**Class: Caster (Endbringer)**

**Alias: Behemoth, the Herokiller **

**True Name: Bob (The One Who Builds(Empires))**

**Gender: Behemoth**

**Hair Color: Behemoth**

**Eye Color: Glowing Red Behemoth**

**Age: Behemo- I mean 19 **

**Alignment: Lawful Evil**

**Parameters**

**Strength: A++**

**Endurance: EX**

**Agility: C**

**Mana: EX**

**Luck: F**

**Noble Phantasm: B-EX**

**Skills**

**Counter Hero: A - **_As the Herokiller and consecutive heavyweight champion of Earth Bet 19 years in the running, I think you can see where I'm coming from._

**Independent Action: EX **– _Yeah, you think you have daddy problems? Behemoth has daddy problems. Been away for his poor old man and creator for years, throwing it down with big bads all over, and used multiple dimensions as an energy source. Self-explanatory guys._

**Magic Resistance: A – **_Try hitting him with lightning. Use a fireball. Blast him with explosions. Just try it. See what happens. Earth Bet did that and more. Teleportation, portals, disintegration, matter evaporation, atom bombs…yeah…_

**Territory Creation: F **– _Well, he certainly won't be building his empire this way. Guy might be able to build a baking soda volcano. If he's lucky. Oh wait, he's not. Can he fix it? No he can't!_

**Battle Continuation: EX **– _Cmon people, have you even read Worm? This one's a given._

**Dynakineses: A – **_Dynakineses…control and sight of all energy…yeah…Were talking electricity, heat, anything not matter. Big B sees it all, can redirect it, control it, and shoot giant bolts of lightning with it. _

**Mystic Eye of Depth Perception – **_Cuz cmon, lets throw the guy a bone. He's an eldritch abomination with daddy issues. And hes a cyclops. He's already down on his luck as is, poor guy. Might as well give him a freebie. Shiki, eat your heart out._

**Noble Phantasms**

**Aura of Killowat**

**Rank: B**

**Type: Anti – Army **

_Get within thirty feet of the guy and you get fried. Cancelled by high enough magic resistance. Ohyeah, its by choice. Make it a lil easier for Kotomine Sr. To cover things up. Poor guy already has to deal with a 45 foot tall giant crystal monster walking around. New Godzilla filiming? Man have those animatronics must have gotten good over the years._

**Endbringer**

**Rank: EX**

**Type: Freaking Rediculous**

_And you thought God Hand was bullshit. This is bullshit. Mass of a spiral galaxy, energy siphoned from multiple dimensions, made of material that's harder than the laws of physics says are even possible, nonstandard organs, nervous system, everything else, regenerates insanely quickly. Things are bullshit hax._

Well, now that's just _rude. _I mean Lawful Evil? The nerve! I serve The Grand Emperor, The Great Seer Eidolon! I am His Progeny, bringing about His Just and True policies throughout the multiverse! Lawful Good I say!

Although the comments are just plain weird. Worm? Godzilla? Eldritch Abomination? _Daddy Issues? _Mystical Eyes of Depth Perce-

Oh my god I can SEE!

I've been summoned! This is great! Now what was that about a master that I had…

Looking down I could see what remained of a small house. Several cars were piled up against my left foot, occupants screaming, but that doesn't matter. In the house there appeared to be a big red circle and some buckets of blood. Around this I saw a little boy struggling with bonds and what appeared to be a wildly gesticulating adolescent, gesticulating wildly beneath my big toe. Moving very, very carefully, I attempted to move around him, leaving him in the clear. He jumped up, hugging my big claw right as I brought my foot down.

_Squelch_

Whoops!


	4. Behemoth: The First Whoops 12

Behemoth: Nailed it

Moving gingerly, I picked up my foot, checking the bottom. Yep, that's a dead person. Hmm… Well, just because he's nearby, and dead, doesn't mean he's my summoner, right? I mean, he could just be the assistant! There must be someone else around here right around…there!

I picked him up, holding him before me. "I ask of you, are you my master?"

"MMPH!" said the bound boy, swinging wildly in the air. I'll take that as a yes. Why would he be bound you ask?

Well, quite frankly, I don't want to know.

But! Since he is obviously my summoner and I have obviously been summoned, it's time to go sign up at the local church! Settling him on my shoulder, I astralized. Or tried to.

Well shit.

x-x

"So that, in a nutshell, is the holy grail war! Seriously, I thought you guys were supposed to know about this."

The boy, Ken, shifted a bit on my shoulder as we made our way to the church. "Uh, so, I'm a master in this war…"

I frowned, _another_ car hitting my foot.

"Yep."

"And were fighting over this omnipotent wishing device…"

Hmm, two buildings, not enough room to walk between, maybe if I go sideways, suck in my gut…

"Yep."

"So that means if we win, I get a wish. Could I use it to fix my house?"

Well, I'm sure that bridge only _looks_ flimsy. I mean, would they really trust something that was really this small to carry everyone's weight over? Of course not! It must be safe!

"Ack! I mean sure."

"Bring my family back to life?"

I leaned down, gingerly replacing the top of a skyscraper, melting it into place. There! Good as new!

"Don't see why not."

"Get an ultra triple large scoop of raspberry ice cream?"

Aha! The church! Blasted trees, getting in my way…

"Now you're talking!"

x-x

"Now remember your manners," I murmured as we approached the church, the aging Priest coming out to greet us.

"So you must be…Caster," he said, a brow raised, eying me warily.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance," I said, bowing.

The priest wiped his brow, squinting up at my shoulder. "And this boy is your master?"

I plucked Ken from my shoulder, placing him on the ground. He quickly moved forwards, bowing from the wasit. "My name is Ken! Pleased to meet you sir!"

"Hmm," the Priest said, sounding pleased. "Polite. Not what I expected given your appearance, a good impression." I grinned,

Tell me boy, did you use any artifact to summon Caster?"

"Uh…no?"

"Ah," he said, smiling, "Then it is a case of like calling to like, the soul of an innocent child to that of innocent…"

"Do not fear for my feelings," I said, shaking my head sadly. "Though I have none of Our Fathers shape and Greatness, _**He**_ gifted me with Strength and Tenacity! Power, and Endurance! I care not for what others think of me, for I have been shown the path to all that is Just and Good!"

"A believer then!" The old Priest said, smiling, "Rare to find another as passionate as you in this day and age."

"A rarity, but it matters not ," I said, nodding solemnly, "For us who believe, we shall carry out His will."

"And act as shepherds, as guides for others," he said, nodding solemnly. "Well spoken. Though you appear trustworthy, I have to ask, I have heard several reports from downtown about a giant creature making its way through the down, destroying all in its path. Was that…?"

I winced. "Indeed it was me, one of the main reasons we came here. You see, in addition to Ken not having received Command Seals, I am unable to astralize. So, well, being as large as I am…And everything being as small as it is…"

"I see," he said, nodding solemnly. "That would be an issue. People so often forget about the problems one has, being a man of size. I can, of course, provide the Command Seals." He pulled back a sleeve, revealing the intricate mass of them. Ken moved forward hesitantly, holding out his hand as the priest reverently bestowed them to him. I nodded, astralizing and reappearing as his presence made itself known.

His very, very, puny presence.

The old priest then laid a hand on his chin, wincing as he looked at the city. "Though this does raise the question of how we will cover this up."

"Ah," I said, grinning widely, "To that I may have an idea. Have you ever heard of the term taking refuge in audacity?"

"Indeed," he mused, "What do you propose?"

"Ken tells me when I first appeared, it was close by to a circle of a mass murderer attempting a demon summons."

"Fortunate you were summoned by Ken instead in time to stop it," he mused, "Who knows what kind of depraved horror would be summoned by a man such as him."

"Indeed," I said, shuddering fiercely. "It is fortunate I appeared."

"Yes."

"Mhm."

"Of course. But as you were saying?"

"Well," I said, kneeling down, "You say the existence of magic is a secret. But what about the existence of Demons and Undead?"

"Common knowledge, or it would be if people believed the scriptures," he said, frowning where he stood. "It would not break the bounds of secrecy for them to be revealed while acting to further educate the public on the matter of Faith."

I steepled my finger, letting my eye glow with inner glee. "Then I propose this. We make it look like a demon summoning, where I am subsequently vanquished. As I don't think they will believe the _proper_ methods of demon vanquishment…"

"Infidels."

"Quite. I propose, instead, we draw our inspiration from various sources of popular media. Now I have a few in mind just offhand, this modern knowledge thing is really handy…"

x-x

"Umm, is this really necessary…"

"Yes, now hush Ken," I whispered, the crowd gathering as I stared menacingly ahead.

"But…but…I'm tied to a poll twenty feet up, and you want me to _fall! _Why do you even _need _me for this? This plan doesn't even make _sense!_"

"Psh, don't worry, there's a trampoline underneath," I said under my breath, "You'll be fine. And remember, this is all to protect the existence of magic."

"It's in the middle of a ring of _fire!_"

"Dynakinetic, remember? Not magic," I said, shaking my head sadly. "You'll be fine, I'll make sure of it. Now shush, it's show time!"

The Priest slowly appeared, clad in a holy garment of _Glory!_ The Cloak of Alexander Anderson, his bayonets as well, the hair of Dante and the Cross of the Excorcist. He stopped, raising his hands, bayonets pointing forwards. "You'll never get away with this!"

"Hah!" I said, creating an aura of fire, "You have forsaken your humanity, became the Monster of God! Only a human may truly defeat me!"

"The Force is with me! You shall never escape!"

"Luke! I. Am. Your. Father!"

"Noooooooooo!" he screamed, tossing his bayonets. They moved like missiles, cutting Ken free.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Just as planned! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"You'll never get away with this!" The Priest said, shaking his magnificently coiffured head.

"Ah, but I already have!"

He raised his hand, cross out. "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

"AAAAAGH, MY SPLEEN!"

I tipped backwards, slowly astralizing as I fell. As I went down, he stared on solemnly as the crowd looked on in dumbfounded awe at his magnificent prowess, sending me a discreet thumbs up of communication. I sent one back, content I was understood. For ones such as us, the meaning is easy to discern.

'Nailed it?'

'Nailed it.'


	5. Chapter 5

Behemoth: The first Whoops! 1.3

Now the tricky part of being a statue is the simple act of sitting still. There's always that urge to move around or fidget, maybe an itch that needs scratching or a vague need to turn. Now you people might say, 'But Behemoth, you can't itch! You're a giant monster thing made of a crystal!'

Bah, shows what you know. This is discrimination I tell you. Crystalism. Fleshism.

Well, one of the two. Kinetic-speaker words are so hard to know.

Anyways contrary to popular beleifs yes, non-flesh things have the urge to itch. It's just usually they don't have the ability to. Poor mountains. For them I do my best.

Anyways, where was I. Oh yes, statue. Being a statue is much harder than it seems.

For one I had this dreadful itch on my nose, and just because it doesn't _look_ like one doesn't mean I don't have one.

For two I was waist-deep in water and goodness knows that's not healthy. I mean look at Leviathan and how he turned out.

For three I was occupying the space of that rickety little bridge that had been badly in need of a weight check. Really. People should be thanking me for demonstrating the danger with my weight when there was barely anyone on it. Just think of what a disaster this could have been in rush hour?

For four the pose that I chose wasn't exactly very comfortable. You try standing with your arms at your sides, your palms up, fingers up, and forearms forwards. No, not for twelve seconds either. For hours_, days_ on end.

Four five Ken was being a right ass and a bully. Spent all his time complaining and trying to ruin our cover.

"This is stupid."

"You said that about our last plan," I said, making the vibrations come from right next to his ear. Couldn't speak the normal way, oh no. That would ruin the act. I'm a professional, y'know.

"That _was _stupid. This is doubly stupid. I mean – ah, ah ah, achoo!"

"Bless you," I said. Ken wiped his nose and glared at me, the ungrateful little guy. I was letting him sit on my palm.

"I'm cold," Ken said. "I'm hungry, I'm tired. What are we even doing out here!"

"Spying."

_"__Spying."_

Ken shivered, rubbing his itsy bitsy ruemy-red human eyes. He sneezed again then huddled deeper in his coat. I didn't see why _he_ was the one complaining. _I_ was the one waist deep in unsanitary water.

"Can't you heat me with your, um…"

"Dynakineses."

"Yeah, that!"

"No. That would give away the act."

"The act."

"Yep."

"As a statue."

"Uhuh."

"That, maybe thirty minutes ago, just suddenly appeared."

"You got it!"

"That's _stupid._"

I shook my head. That poor, poor little boy.

"Refuge in audacity my friend."

Ken laid flat on his stomach and moaned. He turned his head so he could see me and blew away some hair.

"If you're talking, why can't you heat me?"

"You're right. I shouldn't be. Ix-nay on the alking-tay, kay?"

Ken exhaled in that way kinetic breathers- er, humans sometimes do. A really, really long one, before repeatedly slamming his head into my palm.

Ah, morse code! Truly my master is great.

Now I wasn't distracted enough to lose sight of my goal, oh no. In between wondering what cumquat had to do with chickens – I'd have to ask Ken about that later – I was observing my fellow Servants. They had gathered together on the large oil rig and were about do to battle.

Well, had been. About half an hour ago.

There was this little blonde knight-girl and a guy with two lances, and they weren't even trying to kill each other! The nerve! No they had the audacity to cut out of their fight _just_ as it was getting to the good part. They spent the past half hour staring at me.

Now I couldn't tell them to get a move on and start dismembering each other, I mean I was just a statue. I just thought. Very hard.

_Don't look here. Look somewhere else. You have the sudden urge to kill each other. I'm just a ghost-monster-statue-thing. Woooooooo._

It turned out thirtieth minute was the charm because they finally turned away from me. Yay!

"Behemoth," Ken whispered.

Not responding, nope.

"Hey Behemoth," he said, louder. "There's someone incoming right now!"

That someone, as it turned out, was a rather large red-haired man riding a chariot pulled through the air by bulls, with some green, limpid, screaming _thing_ attached to him-

Oh wait, that's a human.

The large man landed his chariot on my hand, grinned, and turned towards me.

"Do you mind if we watch from here my good man?"

Hah! I wouldn't fall for that.

"I'm a statue," I said.

Ken screamed in my hand. Great. Way to ruin our cover.


End file.
